11 year in the industry- ties severed

Holy FUCK!!! Guess what? I just resigned from my job.  Extenuating circumstances caused me to leap beyond my comfort zone. And I am freaked the fuck out.

I feel as if I have a whirlwind of swifts flying within my sternum. The time has come to move forward into the unknown with a head held high and removing layers of stigma, expectation, and judgement.

How many of us live our lives for others? Where does this intrinsic need for external validation come from? I did not realize how much of my “identity” has been held to the “prestige” of my career and the industry I was working within. I find it ironic that I carried out the mission to a point where I was licensed, trading on the exchange, and managing an office.  And all for what?  To pay down my school loans for an education in a field I am not in.  When did, these hopes go askew? Were they ever fully focused or have I slept walked for 32 ½ years of my life?

Division… it’s an issue that lies deeply within. I’ve lived my whole life divided.  Two families, two different expectations and value systems: I WANT UNITY, I want to love and respect those that do not believe in the same things. I want to love and not be driven by FEAR. As long as I can remember I have identified and made decisions based off of my fear.  I have let it drive me and for once I could not allow myself to be demeaned any longer.  It has been a long-time coming….